So, here I am, slogging away, continually checking my twitter feed and hopelessly losing the will to write with every passing minute. It’s going to be one of those days!

I feel like I am back at school and doing everything in my power to avoid doing my homework. My notebook lies open beside me, glaring at me and mocking my lack of enthusiasm, a bit like spotting a slice of cake when your trying to be good.  So Mrs ‘Look at me all perfect and black’ Notebook your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to bring me round, muster up some energy for me somewhere or as I suspected you could just sit there and glare at me for the rest of the day.

Ten Things To Do When You Can’t Write:

1. Make a cup of tea. Ah yes, I hear you all sigh – the old faithful. That will do the trick surely?

2. Pick a letter of the alphabet and write down as many words as you can that describe how you are feeling. I am choosing ‘f’ today because it can involve a word I use when I am angry, lost and succumbed into silence by my inept brain… ‘flummoxed’ is the word I was thinking of. Of course it was! So today I am mostly: flummoxed, fraught, frightened and farty  (don’t ask – it’s a ‘can’t write’ thing) when I really should be flowing, full, frivolous and funny. Maybe tomorrow then?

3. Go for a walk. No this does not mean a slow trudge to the local newsagent, wearing your jammies under your coat (you know who you are!) to stock up on chocolate and tomato flavoured crisps (yum). It means a lovely meander through the misty fields nearby, letting the literary juices flow and a masterpiece under your belt by tea-time like Holly Hops on a Summers Day – oh wait, that’s wine I’m talking about now! Er, no thanks, not today.

4. There is a saying ‘A tidy house means a tidy mind’ or something along those lines, so maybe a wee spring clean or ‘gut’ as they say in these parts wouldn’t go amiss. But then that would mean actually thinking and doing stuff and that old chestnut ‘Making A Decision’ would come into play. Sigh.

5. Rant – now there’s a word that conjures up the fire in your belly. Have a good rant, in my case at myself as I am Home Alone. But then who is going to hear anyway? I have been known to rant at my wee cats, they are usually asleep and a leg twitch every now and again means that I have acknowledgement of sorts.

6. Hit the Library with a bag full of intentions – although the last time I did that – It Was A There I was feeling the joys of Spring-ish Autumn and making my way down the road listening to a bit of The Bubbles (Michael Buble to anyone that doesn’t know what I am on about) and feeling ‘You are so right Michael, I haven’t met the agent of dreams yet but you never know’. I enter into the fantastic establishment that takes over a corner in Leith and lo and behold. RYME-TIME. For all those un-initiated this is a two hour slot of singing and general hilarity for the under 5’s. Don’t even try it, just turn around and walk away. As lovely as it is you can’t read or think for that matter when they all get going.  Reading this back, I think it’s fair to say I am slightly deranged and possibly about to celebrate my 80th birthday with a big bag of humbugs.

7. Exercise  – now there’s a word. Not like a nice lazy walk but a fat-burning-sweat-ridden visit to the gym. Moving on.

8. Therapeutic Archive Rummaging – nothing like a good rummage (easy now!) over your old files on your ‘pooter. I found some hidden gems that I am currently bringing up to date from about 5 years ago. Amazing stuff and makes me feel all better as I am prone to forget that I have been writing for a long time and a lot of unfinished work really needs to get completed instead of clogging up my meg storage allocation (check me – like I know what that is).

9. Have a bath – depending on the time of day possibly without the glass of wine, candles and soothing music lulling you to sleep – if this happens, start at number 1 on this list and work your way down until you are fully awake and functional again.

10. Eat – now you’re talking!

So folks, I have done 1, 2, 3, 5 and 8 so far today. I’m thinking maybe a 9 followed by a lot of 10 and I’ll be ready to start back at The Desk Of My Writing Life aka my sofa with laptop on knee.

Have a good day y’all (I’m not American but I have always wanted to say that).

‘The blog for ‘Brit Writers and Writers Everywhere‘ blog.’