The Art of Faking Sleep & The Scare-factors Involved

Faking sleep – it’s the phrase I am giving myself for that time in the morning when you really, really don’t want to be awake but the wee people in your life just haven’t quite got the message quite yet. ‘Go away, Mum is faking sleep at the moment – do not disturb’ I want to say, but I don’t.

Ten things to do to fake sleep and the scare-factors I give them (try not to laugh though and give the game away):

1. If you lie face up when your sleeping – lay one of your arms across your face – they have no idea if you’re awake or not. There is a high chance of scaring them to death when they creep up to check, peering close, wondering if you’re sleeping or not. Scare-factor :10/10.

2. For those who sleep on their side with a leg over the covers – this position could seriously back fire on you as your toes are ripe for the tickling. I would put your face into the pillow as much as you can and when they approach you can grab them with your hand that is trailing on the floor. Scare-factor: 9/10

3. For sheer genius, hide in the cupboard if you have one. Where you were sleeping, put pillows and blankets in place of you and put covers right over the top. If they come in and jump on your non-human form, you then jump out of cupboard. Scare-factor: infinity and beyond! There will probably be some wailing and wetting of pyjamas.

4. Lie on your back, hands by your sides so that all that is visible is your head. Wait patiently for them to visit, you may get prodded in the eyes or cheek so stay calm. Once they are close enough, open your eyes and sit up in bed moaning like a mummy (or a grumpy daddy, whatever takes your fancy). Scare-factor: 7/10

5. The invisible parent – lie across the bed the wrong way at the top and cover yourself with your pillows. The bed now looks empty, they come in and wonder what is going on, you can then slide out of the bed away from them, jumping up from the other side. Scare-factor: 6/10

6. For those bed-time spooners out there – pretend your stuck together and when they try to prise you apart, nothing happens. Scare-factor: 3/10 but it does make you all laugh.

7. Lie with your feet sticking out of the top where your head should be, when they come close to see what it is on your pillow, you can grab them from underneath the covers behind them. Scare-factor: 8/10

8. Roll into a ball in the middle of the bed – they have no idea what it is. You can then jump up, throwing the whole duvet over them. Scare-factor: 7/10 with lots of shrieking.

9. Sit up in bed with your chin on your chest, eyes closed. Wait for it, when they come close,grab them in a bear hug. Scare-factor: 10/10

10. Roll yourself up like a sausage roll and rest the long duvet parent-filled shape in the middle of the bed, none of you should be visible. This is hours of fun. Although there is a high probability that you will end up on the floor if you have strong kids. Scare-factor: 6/10 if you can pull off a scare, but normally you’re just laughing away as they try to get at you, to release you from your cocoon. Don’t try this in Summer – too hot!

I’m such a cruel parent now that I read all that back. Try one out on them tomorrow morning  Happy Scare Morning to you all.