Soggy Bottoms – a procrastinating writer’s GBBO

Sadly, the Great British Bake Off has left our screens for another season. We shall now need to wait a year before we can return to the amusing Mel and Sue and their innuendo-filled requests, Paul’s nods of despair and dazzling blue eyes and Mary’s close cut comments on the soggy bottoms of this world. But fear not, I have just the thing to help.

To mix things up a bit (groan) here’s my version of GBBO for all the writers out there who survive on a diet of pastry specials and coffee. I salute your powers to stay awake when the body wants to sleep.

Hands washed? Aprons on? Hair tied back in a proper ‘health and safety’ following fashion? Then let’s do this!

This week, Paul and Mary would like you to write at least one thousand words that have been keeping you awake for the last couple of nights. They can be made of any filling you like and may contain nuts, as most of us do anyway.

They would like you to do it in an orderly fashion with minimum fuss and without incessant moaning that you ‘just can’t do it’ or ‘it’s rubbish’. As Nadiya so rightly says, “I am never going to say I can’t”.

Use of pencils, pens, paper and tissues to wipe away procrastinating tears are welcome. Long walks in the garden to contemplate what the hell you are doing are not allowed. Get a grip and get on with it.

Please note theatrical gestures with your hands will not make your PC/laptop work any faster. Sit down, take a deep breath and think.

You have 4 hours.

On your marks, get set …write!