Well. Outraged doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Sadly I am now on a strict ‘no caffeine’ diet to sort out my troublesome heartburn, caused by bugs from the boys that I have suppressed (really – it wasn’t intentional!). These bugs have decided to settle down and have a wee P.A.R.T.Y in my oesophagus. Rock n roll people, rock n roll.

Imagine it though – your doc tells you that you need to cut out caffeine. As in none. Not even a cheeky wee cuppa before bed. Or a latte with friends as you put the world to rights, letting you get through the day on the high coursing through your body. Nope. Nada. Not a sausage.

What do you do? You run to the nearest tax paying coffee shop of course and order your favourite hot drink IN THE WORLD…sigh (in case you’re wondering mine is a latte – sometimes with a vanilla shot and chocolate sprinkles). Your name is promptly announced and you take your seat as you savour it’s every mouthful, until that sad moment when the frothy bit left at the bottom goes all cold and unwelcoming. If it could speak it would say “Ha, no more for you and your gut lady – jog on”.

If I was that way inclined I might promptly scream and throw it at the wall so it smashes into little pieces but then I am a grown-up (slightly vertically challenged I admit and I am still taller than my boys – for now) who really should know better. It doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it though.

Do me a favour and when it comes to the next time you switch on the kettle or pass by your favourite cafe – raise your cup to me and my poor wee gut. We will join you soon..once I get rid of Mr Lansoprazole and his pal Mr Rennie.

Ironic that ‘Life’ by Des’ree is currently playing on the radio so I feel marginally better.

Life, Oh Life, Oh Life, do do do do…